Calm, TOTALLY INSANE, but calm still.

FerryTale – 2

*Coughs* *Clears throat* *Coughs again* Today we have the ‘Budding Writer/Columnist, Dancer/Choreographer, Twitter Activist, Foodie, Your Local Lawyer, Bush Igbo Boy, Real G’ @FrankUgo_  (I’m sorry Frank, your bio was just too awesome) here to do a THS on Cinderella. Do read and share your comments.



  “Senior Amanda, Senior Amanda”

“You have an important message.”

“Somebody just dropped a message.”

Ugh! A girl couldn’t get some without someone coming to disrupt. I wasn’t alone – a junior student, Femi was there too. It was breaktime and normally, the hostel wasn’t meant to be open. Surprised?

No. Don’t be. I am a queen – a queen in this small kingdom of mine. I just need to say the word and it is mine. Name it.

The voice drew closer to my corner of the hostel room. Femi had worn his boxer shorts and got under my bed. He was shaking like a cold fish. I’m pretty sure he wanted it too but he was scared. ‘What-if-they-catch-me’, ‘What-if-they-suspend-me’. Fucking JJC problems.

“Amanda, you just got invited to the ball at St Patrick’s.” Oge said.

Oge was the hostel prefect and a ‘friend’ of mine. Whenever I needed the hostel for my extra-extra-curricular trysts which she believed were ‘class-stabbing moments’, she was there. She was good at the sciences too so she did my homework, projects and all for a little sum.

“With the way you are screaming, I thought it was even a letter from that your principal.”

“Haha. At least, we’re used to that. I can’t be this excited”

I tried to make a joke out of that.  Truth is I was used to getting letters from the principal summoning me for long hours and they were NEVER good. The normal me would get annoyed at Oge. But for the sake of the boy shaking with fright under my bed, I let it go. She sat on the bed.

“What are you wearing to the ball?” She continued.

“We’ll talk about that when you’re back from school. Right now I need rest, Please?”

“Okay, I will. Later. Just don’t forget to call your parents for the PTA Meeting next week.”

“Okay” I breathed this sigh of relief.

I had only Daddy since I was born. Mom died during childbirth eighteen years ago. My dad was a business tycoon traveling in and out of the country, never in town. I was entrusted into the care of maids and nannies very early in my life and that’s where my vice which I choose to refer to as a virtue started from.

Maybe if Daddy and Aunt Temisan, one of the maids locked their door properly during their dirty deal, I would have been the little saint. Maybe if Aunt Temisan never stopped inviting the male staff and other boys up when Dad was away, I wouldn’t have known anything about the different sizes and shapes. Maybe if Aunt Temisan stopped watching those people who moan excessively, I would have been the eighteen year old princess waiting for a prince charming. perhaps if all this never happened, the monster you call ‘Amanda’ wouldn’t have been created. But here I am, constituting a nuisance to myself. Not like I care.

“Oya Madam Oge. Bye bye” I continued.

“I just thought it would be nice to get this letter to you. It has been at the school box for like 5 days now. ”

I laughed in derision, gave her a hug and watched her leave.

Femi had been struggling for air. He came out already.

“Can we be done already? I have Intro Tech in 10 minutes” he said.


He approached my bed slowly and quietly. I couldn’t feel his presence. He had that serpentine air, a snake in the grass. Very discreet. But I’d know that perfume anywhere. I’m used to it.

I noticed the tall, slender figure hovering over me, it was too late to hide the surprise in my eyes or cover up.

Mr Declan. The stubborn school principal.

He claps his hand and walks around the bunk. He didn’t expect the surprise.

“Wonderful Amanda Eze. Wonderful performance!”

Heaven knows I hate sarcastic people.

“And who’s the boy?”

He takes a closer look.

“Femi Desanya?, you have to be kidding me”

“Aren’t you in JS 2?” Mr Declan was startled.

“Come to my office right now.” He said.

Femi pulled up his boxer shorts and tried to pat down his bulge which angrily grew even larger. I slipped on my pinafore gown and we left to his office. He handed over his cell phone.

“Call your parents. I want them in my office before the end of today.” He’s quite furious now.

I picked up his phone first.

“The Eze’s residence. Who’s this?” A voice said.

“Aunt Philo. Just give daddy the phone”

“Your paale travel since. Wetin dey Amanda”

“Come to school with a driver now. ”

“Ehen, shey everything dey kampe? No bad news?”


I ended the call and pushed it over to Femi. We got expelled from the school and well, I’m back at home feeling good. No remorse whatsoever.

No one has the right to condemn me whatsoever. They might as well be preparing a sack letter for themselves.

Still had one more entrance to make, St. Patrick’s ball. Every villain needs a dramatic exit.

My excitement bubbled. Not like I wasn’t happy before  but the ball made my organs rejoice for joy.


Friday night took forever to come.


The boredom choked at me. Aunt Philo wouldn’t let me out of her sight, hovering like some silly fairy godmother. Father had forbidden me from going to the ball too. Like I was going to dry hump someone on the dance floor. Pah! I kept telling Philo I was going whether she let me or not. By thursday night, she had come to believe me.

Friday night, I slipped on my little white mini, the shortest one, I had. She took one look at me by the door and flew into a rage.

“I agreed that you could go to the ball, but there’s no way you can bag a prince looking like that.”

In her room, we rummaged through her closet stacked with all sorts of dresses. She pulled out a pale blue floats gossamer and satin construct and dropped it in my hands.

I dropped my mini right in front of her, not to worry, I’d taken care of any stray hair the day before. She gasped.

“Why the hell are you wearing a thong?”

She pulled up her mattress and took out a black wrapped package.

“This was supposed to your present for your next birthday. But you can have it a day early.”

She left the room and I tore open the wrapping paper, the contents brought a tear to my eye. Inside was the perfect pair of lace trimmed silk lingerie, high waist french knickers perfectly fitted to my 34 inch hip and 24 inch waist. I could kiss that woman.

Everything fit so perfectly. No one had ever seen me in a proper dress before, they’d all gawk.

“Come house before twelve.” Aunt Philo called from behind me. “When your father call and you never reach house, your own don finish be that.”

I was so excited. I had never been at St Patrick’s College before so I went with Okon, the driver who I forced to be formally dressed. I had to be like the princess of the night. St Patrick’s was the place. All the hot boys attended this school. Abs, muscular, sexy, name it.. They fit the criteria for prince charming and even more.

I walked with so much grace. Tried to be the ‘prim’ and ‘proper’ Amanda. I remember the matron in the hostel saying “You can’t get a prince charming when you’re looking like a slut.” I’m not so smart so I can’t recall. All I know is to get the good man, you have to act good. The ones at the gate collect the IV and I enter into the ballroom. It’s a really big event unlike what I had expected. I seat properly like a lady and well, the rest is bullcrap. It’s difficult pretending to be the good girl.

The event kicks off with a Zulu performance by some hot really sexy bodied guys and some other side-attractions. We have comedians to lighten up the whole atmosphere as well. It’s time for the for the formal dances and I’m still seated waiting for prince charming.

The soft music starts. It’s a song by R Kelly. I had just sipped some wine and was going to drop the glass when someone approached me. His hands are on my chair.

I look up to see who it was and Lord, he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve seen tonight.

Bronze hair that goes to his neck and then curls back up. Dark blue eyes. Athletic build that perfectly accentuates the expensive cut of his tuxedo.

“Mademoiselle, May I have this dance?” He says.

“Of course yes.” I laugh, french is after all the language of love.

I’ve been waiting for this all evening. We sway through a couple of songs and then I excuse myself and return to the chair lined against the wall. The dancing continues and he comes to seat beside me. We talk, laugh, used to being this close to each other.

“Let’s take a stroll” Herman said.

” A stroll, well then”

We go outside and the moon we walk, hands clasped, talking. All this while, I had been observant about the time. Now, it was some minutes past 10.

We are heading towards his car. It’s the latest model of the Hummer Jeep. Emotions start to take control. We pull off our clothes and there’s a little bit of foreplay. We started kissing. His hands go to the right places – up and down, left and right. Then to spoil this beautiful night of mine, my phone starts ringing.

“Don’t answer it”

“No, don’t worry I won’t be long”


“Hello Aunt Philo”

“Ah.. Amanda, paale has been finding you since. I tell him you went to buy medicine for your headache with Okon. Do and be coming back ni”

“Aunt Philo na. The party has not started na”

“I’ve sha tell you my own. Better be coming. Your father is vexing”

She ends the call right there.

“Sorry Herman. I have to go” I said.

“What? Go where?”

“My Dad. He needs me.”

“You can’t leave me like this.”

“I’m sorry”

I pull down my dress and pick everything from his car. It’s a dark and sad night for me already.

“Okay. Give me your number Amanda”

“I’m in a hurry. If fate wants us to meet again, we will.”

I can’t imagine I just said that. Me? Ah.

I run home and avoid the whole episode at the ball. Dad is mad but his anger simmers down after some minutes. I go in and give Aunt Philo a big hug. She has been my saving grace all along. I’m about leaving her room and remembered the silk knickers she got me. Oh my! I had left it in his car. I couldn’t let Aunt Philo know about this – She might not like this. It was already too much drama for me. I ran to my bed, thinking of Herman and Zzzz, I slept off.

“Amanda wake up, wake up, person dey find you.”

Not now. She was supposed to know I was tired.

“But Aunt Philo, Couldn’t you have told whoever it was to chill”

“E talk say e dey important” she answered.

“Who is it?”

“One fine bobo like this.  Err Herman Makera na em name”

“Eh? What?”

I ran to wash my face. My heart skipped a beat actually. I rushed down in my slip to see Herman.

He was sitting down in the living room.

“You forgot these actually” he said with a big smile.

“That can’t be the only reason you came here” I said.

We hugged each other.

“Wha… How do you know where I live?” I stuttered.

He silenced me with a kiss. “I looked for you and I found you. That’s what is important now.”

And well, we’re dating happily ever after.




Frank blogs at, do check his blog. If you missed the first FerryTale post, check out the categories pane somewhere on this blog, we made it category just so it’ll be easy to access. Join us tomorrow at about this same time for the next post in the FerryTale series.


38 responses

  1. A few grammatical errors(spelling mostly) but like the post. 🙂

    November 26, 2012 at 9:46 am

    • thecrazyyouth

      Um. First, it would be nice of you to spot these grammatical errors.
      And if there are truly errors, blame the editor not me. ^_^

      November 26, 2012 at 10:52 am

      • Yimu, I’ve already checked.

        November 26, 2012 at 10:53 am

  2. Jeremy Targert Speaks

    Okay Frank. Okay Frank, why so serious? Nice piece tho, you could have done better

    November 26, 2012 at 10:05 am

  3. *sigh*

    November 26, 2012 at 10:07 am

  4. intro tech?! really?!?!?!?!

    November 26, 2012 at 10:18 am

  5. mismanagedthoughtz

    Well, I like it.

    November 26, 2012 at 10:27 am

  6. haemlet

    He returned her panties! For real?

    This was well written but I didn’t really like it. There was just something off. I couldn’t connect it with the original Cinderella story.

    I know its supposed to be your own version but I just couldn’t relate with it especially as the sexual undertone sorta marred the innocent memory of the original Cinderella. 😦

    But then again, this is your own version. 🙂

    November 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

    • LOL thats the point, to mar the innocent persona of Cinderella.

      November 26, 2012 at 10:39 am

  7. Lonoara

    Oh, he returned her underwear, how whore-mantic. Not bad for a “ferry tale”.

    November 26, 2012 at 10:47 am

    • haemlet

      See you mouth! I knew you would like it….

      November 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

    • Jeremy Targert Speaks

      Whore-mantic…new word *scribbles into journal*

      November 26, 2012 at 11:05 am

  8. Tushe


    November 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

  9. haemlet

    Sigh! You guys should be charged for child abuse… 🙂

    November 26, 2012 at 10:54 am

    • I didn’t do nothing.

      November 26, 2012 at 10:57 am

  10. Michael Mad_son

    Bleehhhhh *scoffs*

    November 26, 2012 at 10:58 am

  11. Errr intro tech? Check! “Nice performance”? Check! Sacarsm never gets better…am sure cinderella would be filing a lawsuit soon! Crazy write up despite the errors.

    November 26, 2012 at 11:09 am

  12. Oluwalatte

    *sigh* A Happy skrep ending, You just gave them HOE-pe 😦

    November 26, 2012 at 11:11 am

  13. Oh lawwd!!! Cinderella was a :O? How ironic!!! Am sure she’s filing a lawsuit against the writer right now! Loools,kudos but errr errors yapa sha!

    November 26, 2012 at 11:12 am

  14. Prettie_temmie

    It was an alright piece but there was something offf,can’t really place it.

    November 26, 2012 at 11:15 am

  15. buksage

    Nice storyline, had some inconsistencies though, mother died 16yrs ago during childbirth, then u refer to her as an 18yr old girl, some little typos too, above all not bad a writing, more twists woulda made this perfect.

    November 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

    • haemlet

      Damn! The writer and Achi_va share the blame on that error, Achi_va the editor especially.

      November 26, 2012 at 1:44 pm

  16. couldn’t connect to it… Was like reading a newspaper *shrugs*

    November 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    • 😦

      November 26, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    • thecrazyyouth

      You are the drunk archer yes? I want to believe you were actually drunk when posting this comment or you had your mind on arching.

      Either ways, you may or may not be fine.

      November 26, 2012 at 5:16 pm

      • 😦 i take offence!!! sir… we meet at dawn!!

        November 30, 2012 at 8:34 am

      • LOOOL

        November 30, 2012 at 8:36 am

    • haleyjamessco

      Dats true ɑ̤̥̈̊ƞd̶̲̥̅̊ †ђξ post sounds fake ɑ̤̥̈̊ƞd̶̲̥̅̊ wen imagining, †ђξ connection is nt dere at all

      December 5, 2012 at 12:39 pm

  17. haemlet

    Damn! The writer and Achi_va share the blame here, Achiva especially.

    November 26, 2012 at 1:38 pm

  18. Aha

    November 26, 2012 at 5:19 pm

  19. funny story. made sense in that you guys made Amanda everything Cindarella wasn’t.

    November 26, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    • thecrazyyouth

      First person so far that understands the concept. Bless you kindly.

      November 27, 2012 at 5:31 am

  20. tomixine

    A real fairytale indeed

    November 27, 2012 at 4:05 pm

  21. thecrazyyouth

    Reblogged this on Ramblings of A Crazy Youth and commented:
    Wrote this sometime last year. Read 🙂

    January 28, 2013 at 2:02 pm

  22. I would’ve gone back for my knickers. Daddy’s rage be damned, those were French!

    January 29, 2013 at 2:37 am

    • thanks for reading.

      January 29, 2013 at 11:48 am

  23. Hehe. I’m here for the comments…

    April 7, 2013 at 11:09 am

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