Calm, TOTALLY INSANE, but calm still.

ADEDOLAPO

Know that when the thought of writing this review came to mind, I had an instant headache because I had never written before. So, bear with me.

I will never forget 2014 because a lot of changes happened in virtually every area of my life. It turned out to be 10 times better than I had expected. For someone who is usually the most optimistic in the room, you can imagine how overwhelming it must have been, I promise to try as well as I can to touch a bit of everything.

At the beginning of the year, I had written in a notepad the list of things I wanted improvements on in my life: socially, spiritually, academically and even financially. Needless to say, before the end of February, that list was lost and forgotten. I was now going with the flow (whatever that was), living life as it came, with no plans, nothing.
What has a 15 year-old got to do with finances you ask? Thing is in the past, ‘mans’ has been ‘shy’ to ask for money from the father simply because it seemed too much. Shy nitori Olorun?! My own father? Well, praise the Lord! I worked on that. I also learned the magical art of saving money. *whew*

I won’t lie, I somehow feel that if I had followed a certain plan, pattern or whatever, maybe my year wouldn’t have been as awesome. Maybe I wouldn’t have gone to certain places where I met some amazing people. Maybe I’d have foolishly cut off a bunch of friends as planned. Maybe I wouldn’t have had my first kiss…..okay, next!

I became more conscious of my growth as a female teenager. Every other year, Dolapo, Martha and I would wake up in the morning and go back to bed at night without checking on ourselves. No “How are you sef?” “Come na let me even see how your life is looking” “What is that scar?” “Are you pregnant??” nada. This year I made it a point of duty to meet myself. It’s okay for me to cater for others but I should never lose myself in the process. Every now and then, I stopped to access myself, question certain actions, right my wrongs, GIVE MYSELF BRAIN and most importantly, commend myself for any job well done.

This year, it was my turn to be picked on by mother. The big sister graduated from the university (YAY!!), so in my mother’s mind, she had now completed a major stage in attaining that 100% wife material mothers all over the world dream of. It was now time to transfer all the “wahala” that Nike (My older sister) received while in University to my own head so that I’d be great like my sister now is. I must say I NEVER ESPERRED IT! It has not been easy dealing with or taking on all the stress she’s giving me (yes, stress) but I thank God. I’m thankful because it has helped me learn a lot even beyond my years. I love my mum so much for what she has put into my life and I wouldn’t trade her for any woman in the world, except of course it’s Dangote’s wife… Haha just kidding……not.

How can I forget a major highlight of the entire year?? A WAEC and Jamb result that made my mother claim she always knew I was a brilliant child and father reassured that he has not been investing in vain. I was more happy that they were happy with me than I was about my result. Smh! Thing is, I know I read, yeah? I just don’t think I read well enough for an all (9) distinctions and Post Jamb merit list result. That is how you know ‘Diaris God ohh’ . It could have been the short prayer I rendered before academic year began: ‘Dear Lord, let me not have any reason to check my NECO result this year/ever Amen’. Either way, I am grateful, to God for His never-ending grace and mercies and to Ona for being the greatest academic influence ever. Err.. I actually kinda love you.

This year, I got my first award ever and that is not even exciting part, I mean, I could have been awarded “nicest female” or what not but that wouldn’t mean as much to me. To God’s glory though, I was awarded the “best female vocalist” and it was heart-warming.
Such tears. Very encouragement. Much hope.

I purchased my long time true love, Reva, late into the year. She’s a guitar who I look forward to doing many great things with. Amen? AMEN!

I also went out more. As a girl child living in this era of crazy social vices, I like to think I understand the need for my mother’s overprotective attitude. The good news is that she finally thought it was okay for me to ‘cross the streets’ with my own legs. On. My. Own. No mother, no driver. Hallelujah somebody?

I came out of a cage I had been locked in for most of my life. After 15 years, I finally got to meet my family members one after the other. Uhun. Turns out that my sister is amazing. Mum is lovely. Dad is wonderful. Big brother is my real nigga. Debisi is my naughty son and it’s simply beautiful to watch him grow. Very lovely, these people.

In the past, I developed a habit of swallowing most of my words. Even at home, it was like there was a voice in my head, by default just there to tell me that there was no point saying anything because it was not in my place to say it, I might be woefully wrong or just cos it wouldn’t matter anyway. So when someone else would say exactly what I wanted to, get approval and sometimes praises, I would slap my head in regret like, “Babe, Y U KIP KWAYET?” But this year, I learned to speak my mind whenever I had to. I decided to turn it into a way of learning stuff. I mean, if I did speak and was wrong, I would be corrected, right? Good then.
“Speak your mind even if your voice is shaken” – this quote took me a long long way.

Since ’98, whenever feelings came my way, I tossed them to the side and when my side was too full to contain any more feelings, I’d just sweep them under the carpet. Tada! I don’t know if it was for fear of commitment or my attitude of blatant indifference, my hate for stress or just cos Eleda mi o gba ti feelings. In 2014, I embraced some of these feelings. I interacted more, cared more, loved more and also allowed hurt to manifest in my life when it needed to. Thanks to my friends, sister and things I read, I now know better. No matter how much I try to deceive myself, this heart is #fleshnotstone, it will feel what it will…..and it’s okay sometimes to just let these feelings flourish.

Basically, this for me has been a year of building myself for the next stage of my life and I’m happy about how far I’ve come for now. Finally seeing that’s it’s okay to interact with the world as opposed to sitting in a dark corner. It’s been a year of transition. From:
Timid to bold.
Taciturn to talkative.
‘Skrepy’ to approachable.
Noise maker to singer (lol)
Easily distracted to quite focused.
Boy to Girl. (*sigh)
Regular Christian to a baptized one.
High School to University.
Clueless to not as clueless, and so on.

Here’s a big shoutout to all the people that made my year wonderful. Thanks for tolerating me. Me sef know sey, it takes nothing short of patience and love. My God, my family, strangers, acquaintances, my new friends, “easy cliq” (inside joke) and my lovely old personal people; THANK YOU.

Ready to make each day count rather than just counting the days, all three of us, Martha, Dolapo and I have now boarded this bus that is a one way drive to University. I know it’s going to be one hell of a ride with different folks wey me never jam for road so………wish me luck, yes?!

**

Thanks for sharing Dolapo, may the force be with you.

2 responses

  1. Afoma

    I loved reading this! More growth in the coming year, Dolapo!

    December 28, 2014 at 12:41 pm

  2. Ahh, baby girl, just look at the woman you’ve become *tears*. So proud of you. Lol, lowks, you suck at this. Okay. Love you to the moon and back.x. Greater years ahead.

    December 29, 2014 at 6:13 pm

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