Calm, TOTALLY INSANE, but calm still.

BluePaet

Paetir and Vunderkind have a serious discussion on Colorism

So in preparation for the muser’s Book  Meet which you can get more information about by clicking here #TheDarkSkinProblem, Vunderkind and I decided to goof around. You probably shouldn’t read this if you’re having a good day and don’t want it ruined but what the hell, I’m pretty sure you’ve read far more disgusting blogs.

So this is how it all started.

Paetir: Yo We have a meeting with destiny.
Vunderkind: _O_ I like that Babe Destiny.
Paetir: Just thought that’d be a cool thing to say, I’m about to have dinner by the way; Pounded yam and egusi, Gimme a few minutes sensei.
Vunderkind: LMAOOOOOO. Bloody show-off! I’m having the next best thing, plantain with no back up. No rice. No beans. No stew. Just lone, glorious plantain.
Paetir: Loool, Chill, I’m coming
Vunderkind: #Pause.
Paetir: Yeah, Destiny tinz
Vunderkind: Cheers.

After I was done with my food.

Paetir: FAM I’m done, How the dodo? Make brain abi?
Vunderkind: LMAO, Please don’t be a show-off. Let’s talk bidness.
Paetir: Okay bidness, Open the floor. Say hey Paetir after ‘* *’

Then..

Paetir: Cut
Paetir: Play
Paetir: * *

Vunderkind: Hey Paetir, *adjusts bra*
Paetir: Lol faggot.
Vunderkind: How you doing my man?
Paetir: Nevermind that I just had pounded yam and egusi and you didn’t.
Vunderkind: It’s all good. God compensated me with a girlfriend.
Paetir: She light skinned?
Vunderkind: LMAOOOOO. The girl I’m dating in my dreams, yes. Actual girl, neh :(. Which is why I don’t @ her on Twitter (._. )
Paetir: Lol Eeyah, God will provide. So we here today to talk about the darkskin problem.
Vunderkind: This Discussion is proudly Sponsored by Dencia and Whitenicious

whitttttt
Paetir: We outchea peepz, So seeing as I’m an intellectual somebody I figure there are two words of interest in our topic ‘Dark skin’, ‘Problem’
Vunderkind: Aha. Oh. Isn’t that thre…..
Paetir: Leave it yeah? What is a dark skin?
Vunderkind: I thought it was Da and Rk.
Paetir: Sir vundie?
Vunderkind: Silly me 😦
Paetir: Eeyah Brain too, God will provide along with gehlfren
Vunderkind: Well to quote a revered manuscript from back when philosophers spent their time asking “what is life?” in the day time and corrupting the youths in the night, “a dark skin is a sad manifestation.

ha

Paetir: Sad manifestation?

Vunderkind: Er. Mistake.

Paetir: Ha vundie just subbed the dark part of Africa. Damn political correctness
Vunderkind: To quote the Encyclopedia Britannicaa dark skin, to the untrained eye, might look like an overload of melanin pigmentation on the sufferer (where sufferer is used in the same tone as you would, say, someone dying from cancer) but a darkskin transcends dermal colorations to connote deeply troubling social, economic, spiritual and psychological depth.
Paetir: Jesusssssss Professor vundie HAS SCATTERED THE FLOOR
Vunderkind: Let us pack the floor together back before landlord return. Rent is difficult as it is.
Paetir: But wait.
Vunderkind: When you are born dark-skinned, you’re technically the last person in a line-up for a 400m race. Only you’re not even on the line-up. You’re stil at home, in your tracksuit and the race has begun.
Paetir: Are you not dark skinned?
Vunderkind: It is not I who is dark-skinned, but Christ shines through me, making me light-skinned. Amen somebody?
Paetir: Amen but I don’t know for all these girls looking for bleaching cream everywhere
Vunderkind: The bible says “GOD IS LIGHT, AND IN HIM THERE IS NO DARKNESS AT ALL!” Even the bible subbed the darkskins.
Paetir: More evidence. So the search for bleaching cream is the beginning of wisdom?
Vunderkind: Well…
Paetir: Are you saying that light skins are nearer to God than dark skins?
Vunderkind: Depends on who we have at the front of the bleaching product.
Paetir: Interesting

You should probably skip this..

Vunderkind: No person in his/her right mind should buy a bleaching product with Rachel Oniga in front of it.You know Rachel Oniga? Yes. Flee creams advertising her skin tone.
Paetir: She’s a bad example sha, light skinned hands, dark skin legs, latina coloured torso. Don’t ask how I know that.
Vunderkind: LMAOOOO of course you shouldn’t be asking a yoruba actress who her cosmetologist is if you’re serious about making it in life.
Paetir: Plus some wise sage who lives on some mountain in Tibet once said and I quote – ‘No matter how you bleach rish, toetoe no dey shange color’
Vunderkind: Paetir, I see you’ve been rolling in the deep
Vunderkind: *adjusts glasses*
Paetir: No Adele bro. Get it? Rolling in the deep no Adele? God I‘m a genius.
Vunderkind: I wonder why you don’t feature in scholarly articles more often, tbvh. It’s because you’re yoruba.
Paetir: Guy my genius is misunderstood
Vunderkind: And dark-skinned.
Paetir: 😦 And yes h factor
Vunderkind: In the words of the great Oritsefemi, paraphrasing the great philosopher Fela, “double wahala.”
Paetir: This is what my Yoruba pastors call – double gbosa
Vunderkind: Hof course hit his mishundastud.
Paetir: Like FAM its art whrenching
Vunderkind: My hosofagos cannot take hit henimor. Hai Kent brett

You can continue now..

Paetir: Now let’s talk about why Africans seem have inferiority complex.
Vunderkind: Lol they ‘You’ve gone to sell kidney for Malaysian citizenship’ abi?
Paetir: Are we backward because of our dark skin or are we dark skin because of our backwardness?
Vunderkind: LMAO This is a deep philosophical question. Almost as deep as Did the Chicken Orgasm Before the Egg or The Egg Before the Chicken.
Paetir: Interesting
Vunderkind: The question lies deep within the layers of Michael Jackson.
Paetir: Fam
Vunderkind: Yes. He will make good study material. Was The Great Moonwalker Backward while he was dark-skinned? How did he perform when he becametranslucent (for want of a better word)?
Paetir: He was a freaking superhuman. Two different races in one lifetime.
Vunderkind: He did the moonwalk, which is technically backward, in both state of racial/dermal registration. No further comment

You’re probably wondering what the hell is going on here but don’t worry it gets better…

Paetir: So let’s move on, Why do dark skins always jealous light skins?
Vunderkind: The smartest guy in my class was light-skinned.
Paetir: Lol you lie. We all know that’s a lie. You can’t be light skin and have sense.
Vunderkind: Lmaoooo why are you subtly bringing Tonto Dikeh into this? That’s one light-skin with dark-skinned senses. Sorta like TI.
Paetir: Plz behv yourself. Who iz bringing that one into diz?
Vunderkind: LOL. I read somewhere that dark-skinned man (Africans) make houses for themselves that have no structural complexity divergent from that of a cane rat.I cried Lupitishly.

Paetir: You mean like this?

Lupi

Vunderkind: They said any cultural, technological and for that matter, cultural ascension we’ve made in the last century is owed to the light-skins (whitefolk) #TearsForMamaAfrica. But, like you asked, deep question.
Paetir: Lmaoooo So black is stupid? Is this what you sayeeen?
Vunderkind: I didn’t say it. They did. But I disagree with ‘em.
Paetir: Civilization did start in Africa though. But the Egyptians are light skinned so wrong turn
Vunderkind: Bruh. Dead end:(
Paetir: But wait, while Alexander the great was conquering nations, what were your forefathers Chukwudi and Adebayo doing?

*crickets*

Vunderkind: Bruh. My ancestors were praying to a creatively-designed rock for rain. What is it about being darkskinned(female) that makes you want to make a blood-red weave, wear a yellow top and purple leggings and green shoes, top it with orange lipstick, upload to Twitter and trend for the wrong reason. Why are black people, by default, so wrong? 😦 and light-skins so awesome?

Ok now I promise we’re done.

Paetir: No idea. Remember #Bisitwerks? She was light skinned and skinny while her roommates were polar opposites, dark skinned and fat and we all faked surprise when the video ended up on YouTube. See what I’m saying? Jealousy

Vunderkind: I stil have the video. Forcold nights.

Paetir: Of course you do. Lord wankadoodledo

Vunderkind: Dark-skins are jealous of light-skins, not because of the direct beneft of the skin tone, but because folks like you only ever ask light-skins”bebi gimme ur PIN. Also, if a light-skin curves, y’all retweet like hell. If a dark-skin curvesLMAOOOOO!!!!! no, but wait – doesn’t a dark-skinned person have to be approached before she can curve?
Paetir: Social dilemma. The society praises light skins but shoots down darkies. Its sad
Vunderkind: “Society.” LoL Because you absolutely ADORE darkies.
Paetir: All my girlfriends have been darkies. Honest
Vunderkind: Your palms are dark. Of course. You had me confused for a bit there. Talmabout “all my girlfriends”
Paetir: Lol wait.I’ve never…..Moving on
Vunderkind: LOOOL. Next question?
Paetir: You’ve hurt me, I shall go cry now.

**

LOL So sorry you had to endure that, if you read this to the end, I just want to let you know you deserve a lollipop. So y’all really have to be at the musers book meet come 24th of may, it promises to be something you’ve never seen before. If you need more information on this event #clickhere.

DARK SKIN PROBLEM

To reserve seats, send your name and contact information to musersmail@gmail.com. Thank you for your time and see you there saturday.


The Day After – KRYPTON

Hi, my  name is Clark Kent and I'm about to have Kryptonite for breakfast.

Hi, my name is Clark Kent and I’m about to have Kryptonite for breakfast.

Hello mortals, midgets, short people, the vertically challenged and all other life forms existent on earth and beyond. Just in case they have internet in space, ‘beyond’ is supposed to cater for needs of life forms that may not necessarily come from my home planet, but are not of this world, #yougewatImean? Amean you just gatto gewarramean. You dig? Homie? I’m sorry, I apologize for all you just read, I’ve been listening to Limpopo a little too much.

So yeah……

We did it people, we blogged for 30 days straight. I don’t even know how I feel about this (Side Note: ‘We’ = everybody that has contributed to redor since inception and up to this point).To say the truth, as at the day I wrote Promethium, I didn’t have up to half of the posts ready, I didn’t know how it was all going to turn out, all I knew was that I was going to have a blog post up every day for the next 30 days. How I did it was relegated to the background of my mind, I just had to make sure I did. Having that singular goal in mind helped in more ways than one.

There were a lot hiccups on the way here. I had to disturb a lot of people and I’m just thankful a lot of them came through, some I met in person (you know yourselves) others I haven’t even met in person. You know what amazes me about this whole blog business? A lot of people that appear on my blog have never seen my face, they cannot pick me out on the street and yet they agreed to write. You might not see the big deal here but I do. I guess it’s the only sort of miracle that can happen over the internet.

There was a lot of help along the way, there were times I couldn’t blog for whatever reason and some of my very good friends pitched in to help. It pays to have friends you can message in the wee hours of the morning, friends even willing to download the wordpress app just so they can help. It might all seem trivial but I am grateful beyond reason. To everybody that clicked on our links and followed the series from cradle  to grave, I don’t even know what to say to you,  but a big THANK YOU. You all helped this little sicko’s dream come true. I’m in tears fam, really I’m crying.

tears

tears

I could never forget everyone that featured on this challenge even if I wanted to. Thanks to all the Supermen and women that saw it fit to honor my invitation to write for redor’s 30 day Blog challenge. I owe you all and a lot too. Just look at how much I owe you guys.

Gbese

Gbese

What is redor?

Redor is a freak experiment really. There are a lot of blogs out there, some I admire a lot, they give me a threshold, like nigga this is the minimum level you must strive to attain. During the series, I heard complaints about some of the posts on here and to me it was funny. Why? Cos if you read the first post on this blog #here you would understand why. You see, I am more for the art than the message. The art in terms of skill and this whole writing thing, and the message in terms of content. Although sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference when the art really is the message. My point is as long as anything that appears on here passes across a message, I’m good. I don’t even have to agree with the posts (yeah I said it), and you don’t have to also. As long as it serves a purpose, be it humor, some deep poetry, might even be lewd, just assume I see some hidden meaning in it even if it isn’t that obvious.

Redor is a tool for young people such as myself to express themselves. Yes, the mistakes will come, we cannot always get it right and the truth is we will not always get it right, but it is important that you know you have a voice. Yes some pessimist somewhere might come across your work and call all of it shit, happens  to the best of writers, the important thing is to learn from our errors and of course some people just want to put you down, learning to ignore these people is vital to growth. Like I always say, when I get criticized, I pick the relevant corrections and ignore the rest, it’s that simple really.  Learn to express yourself, this is why I created redor, anybody and I repeat anybody can send me something (OF VALUE), no matter how badly written and I promise that if I see the message in it, I will put it up. I will crosscheck 20 times over if I have to and of course get help if it’s all beyond me. In recent times, you won’t believe how many times I proof read some posts before I  blog them (PLEASE WE NEED PROOF READERS ON HERE) and some still end up with typos and mistakes.

The important thing is remember that your words can carry meaning: you don’t have to be a Shakespeare or Ted Dekker to appear on here. I don’t care about all that. The internet is no man’s land: you can do a whole lot more than you think with it. There are no limits to what a determined mind can achieve. So if you have anything of value, mention me on twitter or facebook and we’ll get to talking. If you are interested in becoming one of the contributors on here, hit me up with some of your work.

Happy Workers day.

@TheBluePaet @Paetir

Disclaimer: Not human. All images are courtesy of Google.


Day 25 – Manganese

Symbol – Mn
Atomic weight -54.938
Ionization energy -7.434eV
Solution –100 questions
Chemist – @TheBluePaet

Manganese

Manganese

————-
This is the result of Peer Pressure really:
1. Last beverage→ Coke
2. Last phone call→ Emeka
3. Last text message→ Google (I really need to deactivate those Gmail notifiations)
4. Last song you listened to→ Stay – Rihanna
5. Last time you cried→ Can’t remember
♥ HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice? No.
7. Been cheated on?→ No
8. Kissed someone?→ No
9. Lost someone special? Not really.
10. Been depressed?→ My life = Depression
11. Been drunk and threw up? → I’m a social drinker (like once in 6 months kind of drinker)
LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Black
13. Black
14. Black
15. Black
HAVE YOU:
16. Made new friends → Yes, I make new acquaintances so much its alarming.
17. Fallen out of love → I never even fall in the first place.
18. Laughed until you cried→ LOL yeah.
19. Met someone who changed you→ Not really, people don’t have that effect on me.
20. Found out who your true friends were → Yeah.
21. Found out someone was talking about you → LOL yes.
22. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list → No.
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → A few.
25. Do you have any pets → Evil people have pets, I’m a good person so I don’t.
26. Do you want to change your name→ No.
27. What did you do for your last birthday → Fasted till 6, took my friends out to eat, got treated to a meal of indomie and egg I ended up hating.
28. What time did you wake up today → 3:40am
29. What were you doing at midnight last night → Sleeping.
30. Name something you cannot wait for → Buying myself a new laptop, Jehovah knows its long overdue.
31. Last time you saw your father → Sunday
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → They’re quite a lot and not meant for the internet.
33. What are you listening to right now → Daylight – Maroon 5.
34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → No
35. What’s getting on your nerves right now? → The fact that I have to go somewhere really soon but I’m here instead typing this blogpost.
36. Most visited webpage → Twitter.
FACTS
37. What’s your name → Akinbobola
38. Nicknames→ You really don’t wanna go there.
39. Relationship Status → Single
40. Zodiac sign→ Pisces (According to twitter )
41. Male or female or transgendered→ Male.
42. Primary→ Maryland Convent Private School.
43. High School → Apostolic Faith Secondary School Lagos.
44. College → University of Lagos, Akoka.
45. Hair colour → Black.
46. Long/medium/short → Medium
47. Height → F u.
48. Do you have a crush on someone? No. I never have those, I’m not human you see.
49: What do you like about yourself? → I rise to the occasion when shit really hits the fan.
50. Home Town → Ode-Ekiti
51. Tattoos → No.
52. Righty or lefty → Righty.
♥ FIRSTS :
53. First surgery → Can’t remember.
54. First relationship →Never been in one.
55. First best friends → Can’t remember.
56. First sport you joined → Soccer
57. First pet → Never had one
58. First vacation→ Never had one.
59. First concert → The Experience.
60. First crush → Can’t remember.
61. Eating → Nothing.
62. Drinking → Nothing.
63. Already missing → Nobody
64. I’m about to → Get outta here
65. Listening to → Just one last time – David Guetta
66. Thinking about → Why I’m not outta here already.
67. Waiting for? 6 months to be over so I can get the new Dell XPS convertible (sexy) Ultrabook.
♥YOUR FUTURE :
68. Want kids? → No idea
69. Want to get married? → No idea
70. Careers in mind → No idea
♥ WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
71. Lips or eyes → No idea
72. Hugs or kisses → No idea
73. Shorter or taller → Shorter
74.Older or Younger → Younger
75.Romantic or spontaneous → No idea
76. Nice stomach or nice arms → Muscular girls scare me, girls with pot-bellies irritate me. It’s a no win situation with this question, who put this in here? We need to talk to HR about this (stolen).
77. Sensitive or loud → No idea
78. Hook-up or relationship → No idea
79. Trouble maker or hesitant→ No idea
HAVE YOU EVER :
81. Drank hard liquor → No.
82. Lost glasses/contacts → No
83. Had sex on 1st date – No.
84. Broken someone’s heart → Maybe
85. Had your own heart broken → Every time
86. Been arrested → I’m a church going brother fam, we don’t get arrested for nothing.
87. Turned someone down → Maybe
88. Cried when someone died → No
89. Liked a friend that of the same sex? → No, what is this?
♥ DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself → Yes sometimes, other times I feel so inadequate I shed tears.
91. Miracles → Yes.
92. Love at first sight → Maybe
93. Heaven → Yes.
94. Santa Claus → Yes, too bad he hasn’t given me shii tho (Oga Nicholas we see *****)
95. Kiss on the first date? → No
96.Angels → Yes.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? No
98. Had more than one girlfriend? No
99. Wish you could change things in your past? Yes
100. Are you posting this as 100 Truths? → LOL yes (blame it on the alcoh…shii I don’t drink, producer cut cut cut cut….)

You can all go back to your boring lives now thank you.


Day 7 – Nitrogen

Symbol – N
Atomic weight – 14.0067
Ionization energy – 14.5341eV
Solution –
Chemist – @B0bsicle

Nitrogen

Nitrogen

———-

Take a pistol

Point at your temple

Pull the trigger

Die happy.

 

OR

 

Take your feelings

Like printed emotions on grey scale

Black or white

Good or evil.

 

Take a moment

To thank the maker for air

For your sins require of you…hell

In the end, you are nothing but dust.

 

Take the music

Let the melody move you

Your dying heart needs oxygen

Learn to breathe.

 

Take a heart

See the blood in its pump

Feel the toil in its beat

Stay, observe its rhythm.

 

Take the peace

Turn it on its head

Kill the father in the presence of son

Plant the seed of hate.

 

Take a hike

Your troubles prove Führer

You fear holocaust

Yes run, loser run.

 

Take a pauper in thought

Oh how crafty the laws of chance might prove

Watch him rise to the very pinnacle

And in turn forget how he got there.

 

Take the rain

The skies bleed for us

Bathe in heavenly tears

Let your soul be purged of filth.

 

Take a pen

Record your thoughts in pulp

The paper was once alive as tree

Your words just might stick around for a thousand years.

 

Take a man bereft of reason

Wasteful with time

And blasphemous with tongue

Watch him murder himself.

 

Take the front row

Aren’t the back-seats for the damned?

For people with buried gifts and hidden talents?

For Souls worth more six feet beneath?

 

Take the taker

For we are indeed the taken

For he that taketh the taker

Will find peace.

END.


Day 0 – Promethium

Symbol – Pm

Atomic weight – 145

Ionization energy – 5.582eV

Solution – 30 day blog challenge intro.

Chemist – @TheBluePaet

Promethium

Promethium

———–

Hello there people and Happy Easter Sunday to you all. It is I again: just here steady disturbing your consciousness. I’m not gonna try to be witty or start this with some snazzy commentary,  aint nobody gat time fo that  and besides I’m done trying to be funny. You crack a joke for breakfast and suddenly you people want jokes for lunch and dinner too. What is wrong with you people? Are your lives that sad? Ugh!!  Anyway some time ago I promised we were going to do a 30 day blog challenge on here.

Note: A 30 day blog challenge is a completely bogus rite of passage for all bloggers. Simply put, it means blogging at least once every day for 30 days at a go.

Well here we are, I am pleased to announce that REDOR is about to embark on its first 30 day blog series. This is actually not the first post in the series and don’t dare give me a lecture on how the number zero comes before the number one, I paid attention in math class, I was a strai….oh look beans.

I always say I’m confused, this is in no way meant to make me seem cool or mysterious, its actually the truth. Someone read some of my work for the first time recently and instantly came to the conclusion that I was confused. Some people even claim I suffer from MPD, I think I’m beginning to believe them. I thought long and hard about what I wanted this 30 day blog series to be about but I came up with nothing. So in my confusion (You can call me Confucius) I decided to go with no theme, yes no theme, you read right. I’m going all #TeamNoTheme on this (Please pretend I didn’t just type that).

So because I was doing this without a theme, a suitable title for the 30 day blog challenge became an issue. A few titles came to mind, like ‘Different Colors of the Rainbow’ ‘Mixture’ ‘No theme’ ‘Freedom’ and many other titles the little common sense I’m so desperately trying to hold on to these days won’t let me type here. So I was at an impasse…

Achi_va: Abegi ki tun ni impasse? You people will not kill me..

Teop: Fool shut the hell up, let us speak. What is wrong with you?

Achi_va: Because Bobola let you read the dictionary and write poems now we will not hear word again?

Teop: I’ve always known you are jealous of me, being the smart one and all

STATICMUTE

Sorry about that, I cannot lock out the voices in my head.  So after I consulted some of the voices in my head, I decided that I didn’t need a title, ’30 Day Blog Challenge’ would do just fine. But then, I needed something special, something no one had never done before, that was when I decided that the nomenclature for this challenge was going to be ‘The Periodic Table’. Yes the Periodic table, so we’re going to be using the names of the first 30 elements on the Periodic table as titles for the posts. Every post will pretty much kick-off with what I had at the beginning of this post. Allow me shed more light on this….

Symbol – Atomic symbol of the element.

Atomic weight – Atomic weight of the element

Ionization energy – Ionization energy of the element

Solution – Original title of the post (Might be left blank Sometimes)

Chemist – Author of the post

Lastly we insert a picture of the molecular structure of the element (All of the images will be courtesy of Google or Bing of course).

How do I intend to write 30 posts you ask? Well don’t worry about that, let me worry about that. OK?  Ok Ok I might have enlisted the help of some of very talented writers (good friends), some have blogs, some don’t, doesn’t really matter, every one of them has a unique message to pass across and let me just say here that personally I’m more for the message than the art. Don’t you just want to see what happens when writers are given the freedom to express themselves in whichever way they see fit? This was one of the motives for telling every writer featuring to create whatever they please. There is beauty in unrestrained freedom, the kind most people will never understand. When you let your mind wander free, the possibilities are as infinite as the universe. The ability of man to create something of value from emptiness and seeming nothingness is the reason we’re allowed to refer to ourselves as gods. I have personally gone through a few of the posts, and I promise you, we have something for everybody, stories, rants, opinions, poems,  if you’re looking for a laugh – humor and so much more.

The challenge starts tomorrow. Now we might not always be on time as regards the time of posting but we promise to do everything physically and spiritually possible to make sure we  put up a blog post at least once every day. You can follow me on twitter @TheBluePaet, I promise I won’t change my handle, at least not until we’re done with this of course. To make things a whole lot easier, you can also subscribe to the blog to make sure you get email notifications when we blog. The follow button is somewhere on this blog.

This is going to be one hell of a ride and I think you should stick around, you just might learn something. Remember the first post comes up tomorrow; please make sure to make it a date with us. Thanks for your time. Now you can go back to your boring lives and take it easy on that Easter Sunday chicken aye? #TeamSayNoToViolenceAgainstCluelessChickens

@TheBluePaet


LIEBSTER

So I just finished writing exams, can I hear a hallelujah somebody? I honestly do not know how I made it through these past few weeks. I learnt a lot about myself though, and I mean a lot, okay maybe not a lot but here are just a few random nuggets of nothingness I thought to share with you.

1.)    I met this girl some weeks before exams, so one night in particular I saw her twice but couldn’t remember her name, so I didn’t say hi. The thing pain me gan. I tried to remember but I couldn’t, I still can’t remember her name.

2.)    When writing exams, the ‘I CANNOT KILL MYSELF ’ mentality will get you an F and F isn’t just a letter.

3.)    MTN is everywhere you go except where you are.

4.)    Talking strictly talents alone, I think Rihanna has more of it than Beyonce.

5.)    Sleep is not for the weak, it is for the strong. Those strong enough to deal with the F in Failure.

6.)    Drinking concentrated Coffee for two weeks at a go will mess you up.

7.)    Akon is really Caucasian.

And lastly, the picture below so accurately describes my life in the past two weeks that I began to shed tears when I saw it.

My life.

My life.

I got a notification a few weeks ago that I got a liebster. I had actually gotten one sometime last year but didn’t understand what it was all about and besides when I found out it doesn’t even involve money, I was like….

Kill me now. Please?

Kill me now. Please?

I am not really and award person, if there’s any demographic like that. I really didn’t start blogging because I wanted attention or awards, but now that I think about it, a little recognition or acknowledgement once in a while can’t hurt me. Moreover I suck at acknowledging compliments and much less awards (even when money is not involved). I got four more Liebsters and common sense dictates I pass the baton. Before I proceed….

‘A Liebster is an award given to up and coming bloggers with under 200 followers. The Liebster Award originated in German.  Liebster translates dearest or beloved, and Liebe is love.’

I GOT FIVE LIEBSTERS BAYBEEEE!!!!!  *Summersaults* *Does the Harlem shake*

Oh My Gwosh!!!!  I litrally kent brit mehn!!!!! Aswear am on cloud narynine (99)….this is 22musshhh………Gaddemeet!!!!!

MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

I want to thank Dell, the makers of my laptop, my dad for buying me my first book, my brothers for offering to read my crap when no one else would, the companies responsible for the manufacture of Bic, Reynolds and eleganza pens, all the makers of exercise books in Nigeria, my Pastor, my primary school English teacher, that magazine that sent me a pen and a note saying to keep writing when I was younger, my mom, wordpress(dot)com staff, Mike Zuckerberg, Ellen Degeneres, Google, Conan the barbarian, the Powerpuff girls, twitter, my fans, in fact alliyhu….the list goes on and on really, for the sake your sanity(not mine) let me just stop here.

Here are the RULES for acknowledging this award…..

1. Thank the person who nominated you
2. List 11 random facts about yourself
3. Answer the questions they have asked you
4. Nominate 11 other people
5. Ask the nominees 11 questions
6. Last and definitely least, let them know you have nominated them.

I’m eternally grateful to maestros @ovunderkind, @volturi_lord, @dami_maverick and my bunny’s Kemi and @IamMshoudini for deeming my rusty old blog worthy of such a nomination. You guys make me want to keep churning out whatever you read that made you think redor worthy of such awesomeness. Thank you all so so very much. I also want to thank my co-bloggers @jus_kenny, @no_Deemples, @uglie_girlee and chukky for their amazing input into redor, God bless all of you. I am greatly in your debts.

11 random facts about myself

–          I love Kim Kardashian.

–          I love beans, only when it is laced with weed.

–          I think Japanese anime is light-years ahead of normal cartoons (they are not the same thing).

–          I hate Petty people.

–          I am not human.

–          I have real conversations with myself.

–          I’m awfully shy.

–          Writing for me is a way of escaping the voices in my head.

–          I have a default mode where I do things without realizing I’ve done them. It gets really bad sometimes.

–          I get paranoid sometimes.

–          I love Kim Kardashian.

@Volturi_Lord’s questions

  • If you could only rescue one parent from a burning house which would you save, and why?
  • Ans – I’d let both of them out and die instead. I love them both too much.
  • How do spend your free time?
  • Ans- Staring into space and doing nothing in particular.
  • What is your greatest achievement so far?
  • Ans – Staying in school.
  • If you were appointed President of your country, what would be your first act?
  • Ans – Declare martial law.
  • If you have to choose between dying by poisoning or suffocation, which will you prefer?
  • Ans – Poisoning sounds like less fun.
  • If you had just a wish, answer guaranteed what would you wish for?
  • Ans – Like a gazillion other wishes.
  • Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings (state reasons please)
  • Ans – Lord of the rings, I’m kinda into monsters and mythical creatures and besides I’m not really a fan of preschoolers waving magic sticks around (see what I did there?).
  • What are the best five words that would describe you?
  • Ans – Clueless, lost, Confused, intelligent, Afraid.
  • Which of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S character would date if you have the opportunity?
  • Ans – Can’t really remember the characters, the one who had a constant boyfriend in the house I guess.
  • How did you get interested in writing?
  • Ans – I am/was lost, I would’ve have gone insane if I didn’t find me some pen and paper.
  • If you could start all over in life, would you change anything?
  • Ans – I’ll most probably not want to come back being Nigerian is all.

 

@IamMsHoudini’s questions

  What is your favourite TV show?

Ans – I have none.

  What inspires your writing?

Ans – Pain, confusion, a need to exhale, the list goes on.

  Who is your favourite author?

Ans – I have none.

  If you had the chance to date any celebrity at all, who would you date?

Ans – Do I like really need to answer this question? It would be Kim K, my lovely and overly talented Kimmy K.

  What is your favourite meal? (No forming).

Ans – rice.

  What is your favourite song?

Ans – For now it’ll have to be – Somewhere Only We Know by Keane.

  What other movie have you cried for apart from Titanic?

Ans: 7 pounds or The pursuit of happiness, not sure which.

  If you had one wish?

Ans – Like a gazillion other wishes.

  Are you a completely different person online?

Ans – what you see is what you get.

  If a fight suddenly breaks out in front of you, what would you do?

Ans – I’ll probably pretend I don’t notice and walk away calmly or just pretend to notice a stray squirrel and run off.

  How do you spend your free time?

Ans: Doing nothing in particular, staring into space.

 

@oVunderkind’s questions

 

  1. Would you consider yourself as secretly psychotic?

Ans – I am psychotic, both secretly and publicly.

  1. If empires are ruled by emperors and kingdoms are ruled by kings, do you think countries are ruled by cunts? Cite an example

Ans – This is pretty much the natural order of things e.g Nigeria.

  1. Are you comfortable with your current sex/gender? Why?

Ans- Hell yeah, the thought of going through child-birth scares the crap out of me.

  1. Have you ever smoked?

Ans – nope.

  1. Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Which celebrity was that?

Ans – They come and go, nothing special. Right now its Kim k .

  1. What is the most spectacular book you’ve ever read, and who was the author?

Ans – Half of a yellow sun by Chimamanda Adichie.

  1. Can you beat the sh#t out of kids you aren’t related to?

Ans – Nope, I am not a tout.

  1. What were you doing before reading this blog post?

Ans – I was probably in a class or something.

  1. What do you think of the concept/institution of marriage?

Ans – Waste of time.

  1. Do you believe in gender equality?

Ans – Undecided.

  1. Are you a narcissist? Give reasons for your answer.

Ans – People have accused me of being narcissistic, I guess to them I probably am.

 

Dami_maverick’s questions

1] ‘Checkered blue n white’ or ‘black’?

Ans – black.

2] Curtains or no curtains?

Ans – curtains.

3] Hardcover, paperback or ebooks?

Ans – Hardcover.

4] What’s your ambiance while writing?

Ans – Wait, let me google ‘ambiance’

5] Do you plan to publish a novel?

Ans – for now, nope. Who knows? I might just churn out a couple of bestsellers.

6] Do you like to make a gift for your loved one or do you rather buy?

Ans – I am not particular about these kinda things, as long as you thought me important enough to get a gift for? I’m good.

7] Which is the most beautiful color according to you?

Ans – Black (I know it’s not a colour)

8] What’s your mantra in life?

Ans – Changes anytime I see a better one. I can’t even remember the one I adopted a few weeks ago.

9] Have you ever thought of becoming a soldier in your life?

Ans – As a kid I had a lot of fantasies, being a soldier was definitely one of them.

10] Do you have stage fear?

Ans – Depends.

11] ‘Mickey mouse/ Aladdin/Tom and Jerry’ or ‘Naruto/Bleach/Mega XLR?

Ans – Tom and Jerry, Naruto.

 

Kemi’s Questions

1. Money, Power, Respect. Choose two.

Ans – Money, Power.


2. What is your idea of religion?

Ans – Religion to me is a way of life.


3. Have you ever considered politics?

Ans – Never.


4. What do you do for fun?

Ans – Watch Naruto.


5. What one word do you think describes me?

Ans – bobilabi.(we gave birth to boobs)


6. What one word describes you?

Ans – Lost.


7. What’s music to you?

Ans – Life.


8. Do you have a plan B in life? If yes what is it?

Ans – I don’t even have a plan A.


9. What book will you recommend for me to read?

Ans – The Holy Bible.


10. Why did you start blogging?

Ans: I honestly can’t remember.


11. Say something totally random!

Ans – Let’s get married and elope to Somalia together.

 

What I did to their questions.

What I did to their questions.

Now my nominees are –

PhantomPages.

Ganaijachic

TSC

kemmiiii

iraborjustin

DamilareSays

naijadude

ateenjournal

haemlet_

obafuntay

highandblue

My questions for the nominees –

–          What do you really think about global warming?

–          What inspires you?

–          Beans is the best food in the world right?

–          How do you really think man invented fire?

–          Do you believe in God?

–          Name one thing you cannot live without?

–          What do you really think about me?

–          How tall are you?

–          Who are you?

–          Why do you write?

–          Do you think DSTV rips us off in Nigeria?

That’s it folks. This was more hectic than I thought. A 30 day blog challenge is going down right here on redor starting next month, I’ll tell you all about it in my next post.

Thanks for reading my cool story. Bye.

@TheBluePaet


For me….I do not deserve this.