Day 6 – Carbon
Symbol – C
Atomic weight – 12.0107
Ionization energy – 11.2603eV
Solution – Beneath The Smile.
Chemist – @deaduramilade
Carbon
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I was inspired to write this story after reading Beneath the Smile on @Obafuntay’s blog
Hi everyone, my name is Funke.
I want to tell you a story.
Once upon a time, in a time not so long ago, a little girl was born. She would be her mother’s second child and her father’s fourth. The first girl for both of them.
The little girl didn’t remember so many things about her years as a child when it came to her family.
She remembers when she was 8, she was sexually abused by her home tutor – not raped. Sexually abused. She remembers how she was always felt like an outsider amongst the people who were supposed to be family. She remembers how her mother would insult her, humiliate her and beat her.
She remembers how her mother used to make her feel like everything was her fault. She could never do anything right. She was clumsy and stupid. She was unimportant, fat, irrelevant, useless, worthless and disgusting. The boys in school didn’t like her. Nobody liked her. Nobody wanted her.
She remembers how she would write little notes to her mum. Her mum would call her into the room and explain how everything was her fault. She would apologize even though she didn’t understand what she did wrong. She would apologize so her mum won’t get angry and beat her or insult her. The next day, she would make a mistake and her mother would start again.
She remembers how everything she did to make her mum happy only to have her efforts thrown back at her. She remembers when she made a birthday card for her mum and found it in the dustbin about a week later. She remembers when her mum called her a witch and said she was possessed. She remembers that she cried and got snot all over her face and her mother said: ‘you are disgusting. Go and wash your face’. She remembers the many nights in tears. She remembers the ache and the pain. She remembers how her mother would accuse her of many things from threatening to poison the family to sleeping around.
She remembers when she almost had sex when she was 13 because she wanted to get back at her mother. She remembers how she felt like a showpiece. Something to be shown to friends and family. ‘She came first in her class’. ‘She was the best in math’.
She remembers when she threatened to commit suicide and her mother told her to go ahead. She remembers wanting to take a bus somewhere and never return home. She remembers the feeling of being alone. She remembers the hate, the hurt and the thoughts of suicide. She remembers burning her skin just so her pain could be physical. She remembers that all she ever wanted was approval from her mother. She wanted to be loved.
She remembers all these things. She tries to forget about all of it. She tries to smile through the pain and the hurt. She tries to go on as if there’s nothing going on. She tries to move on but the feelings won’t let her. She feels alone. She feels like everyone is out to hurt her. She’s afraid to trust anyone. She’s afraid to let go.
She hides beneath a mask of indifference. She hides beneath a mask of smiles. She hides beneath a mask.
That girl is me.
DISCLAIMER: NOT HUMAN 